4 things I’ve learned from college
So, I took some grad photos on Monday. It was kind of weird going around campus in my regalia, but I wasn’t alone. As a group of Seniors with champagne bottles made their way across McCorkle Place, my housemate and I posed for pictures in front of the Old Well, a symbol of UNC since the beginning of the university. It’s not lost on me that thousands of other UNC students have sat exactly where I am and taken the exact same photos, but for me, I feel different.
These past four years have challenged me in ways I never dreamed of when I was just a starry-eyed high school student, dreaming of adventure in far-off places, meeting strangers and learning new things. I never realized that what has taught me the most in the past four years is not hour-long lectures every MWF, but the people I’ve been so blessed to call my friends and classmates. They’ve pushed me to my limits, cried with me, inspired me. Above all, they gave me a hope for the future. For everyone who believes the myths about millennials (though it is debated whether or not the people in college right now can even be considered that), I want to ask you to reconsider. We’re not all social parasites who eat avocado toast excessively and kill American staples such as American cheese or lunches. To those cynics who believe that we’re “ruining” America, I’ve got four nuggets of wisdom I’ve gleaned from higher education which you might do well to learn yourself.
1. Higher education ≠ a fast pass to success
One of the biggest things I’ve learned from college is that it’s not an automatic path to success. Maybe back in the 60s when only the very rich went to college, a middle class first-generation student could become successful (as long as they were white and male). Nowadays, a four year degree only promises you a very expensive piece of paper. And people are paying through the roof for college. This isn’t a rant on higher education (though I could talk about this subject for hours); it’s an acknowledgement that a system that used to work is now broken. The “American Dream” is supposedly now becoming the “Chinese Dream”, and college debt is $1.5 trillion as of 2018. We grow up believing that going to a college for four years will automatically lead us to a higher income bracket than our parents, but that idea is now slowly fading away. Since the financial crisis of 2008 that the generation I’m in now will be paying for years down the road, wages have stagnated (though the economy has grown and the wealthiest 1% have padded their pockets) and the minimum wage has not caught up to inflation. And yet we get mad that millennials aren’t buying houses, getting married or eating at Applebee’s. Yeah, I wouldn’t be either if I owed about $40,000 in student loans.
And with the bribery scandal coming to light almost a month ago, it just goes to show that our college system is completely broken. Why must college be a choice between 20 years in jail or $200,000 in debt? It seems like right now, American college students are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Most of our parents (young baby boomers and Gen Xers) have been pushing us our entire lives to earn a diploma as a fast track to easy living. But maybe we should start reconsidering why the richest nation in the world can’t even afford to educate its workforce.
2. Comparison is the thief of joy
Whether it’s how slim you are, how much money you have in your bank account or whether you’ve made the best grades, we spend a lot of our time comparing ourselves to others. I know; I’m guilty of it! I grew up as a twin for crying out loud. People were doing the comparing for me.
I’ve been working on this my entire life, but I’m still not perfect. I am a human, and to err is human. But, I’m constantly working on killing negative self-talk and encouraging others. When we start believing that our self-worth and our value is tied to how well we are doing in comparison to another, we’re taking out the joy from our own lives. No matter how well or how poorly you think you’re doing, you have to remember that the only person you can be is yourself. Striving to be anybody else is a waste of our time, it doesn’t cause us to improve and it leaves us defeated. We are our own worst enemies, and we’ll always find another flaw that someone else we know does not have. Do yourself a favor and put that negative self-talk to bed. We were put on this Earth to be ourselves, so why should we spend time trying to be like everyone else?
Of course, this isn’t me saying you can’t look at someone’s life and say, “I really they way the handled XXX,” or, “They have so much XXX, I want more of that.” However, this kind of talk should always be in service of improving yourself because you want to learn and grow as a person and not be borne out of jealousy.
3. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health
For the past four years, I’ve been striving to be healthier; in my diet and exercise, in my interpersonal relationships and in my mental health. It’s taken a while to realize that mental health is just as important as physical health. I went for so many years believing that to mental toughness was more important than vulnerability; that stress and anxiety and depression were just road blocks that needed knocking down. Yet, within the past four years, I’ve found that the strongest people I know are also the most vulnerable.
Vulnerability doesn’t mean that you let your guard down for everyone, but it’s a recognition that some situations call for you to be open and unafraid. Whether that means finally deciding to go to therapy or opening up to your closest friends, vulnerability is not a weakness. Once you’ve become in tune with yourself and with your mental health, your entire life will be fuller.
4. There is no true definition of “success”
What do you think about when you think of “success?” Do you think of a white picket fence in the yard, 2.5 kids, a dog? Do you think about being an actor/model/superstar? Success is defined differently according to each person, so we can’t subscribe to the belief that ALL people must meet our own personal definition. If our friends believe that success doesn’t include children, we shouldn’t say to them, “You’ll think differently when you’re older.” There is no reason why anyone should have to live up to a standardized definition of success. We not only hold people back from achieving true success, but we limit ourselves, as well.
Growing up Asian American but not within the Asian American bubble, I never realized how closely aligned success was with what your parents expected. My parents (who are white), never believed that I should be anything other than what I wanted to be. They never pushed me and told me to become a doctor or a lawyer. They wanted me to do what I wanted to do. Yet, so many of my friends have told me they’re going to be doctors and lawyers because that’s what their parents expect from them. In their parents’ world, success is one of those occupations, even to the detriment of what they actually want to do. And many of them — because they want to please their parents — have forgone their own passions in pursuit of their parents’ definition of success. While I’m certainly not saying that everyone should “follow their passion,” I think everyone should be given the opportunity to decide for themselves what they want to do in life. It should be a conscious decision, instead of a choice handed to you. It’s not about blinding chasing your passions, but it’s about understanding and knowing where your definition of success is coming from. Are you living the life others expect you to, or are you actually living the life you want to live?
In the end, college is not the end-all, be-all. One does not stop learning once they step outside of the classroom walls. We are constantly learning and growing each day. It’s part of what makes us human. I know I have many more years ahead of me and much more to learn, but I think that, for the first time since this final semester started, I feel at peace. Peace because goodbye is not forever, learning never ends and life is a journey — we simply have to hop in and go.
